Is Monogamy Normal

Discussion in 'Main Thailand forum.' started by ThisGuy, Jun 4, 2013.

  1. ThisGuy

    ThisGuy New Member

    There have been many discussions on this forum in various sections concerning marriage, long term serious relationships and cheating. Basically, we are talking about monogamy. Many of the bar lady members, as well as the mongers who come to Thailand, are either married or into some type of live-in relationship with either a falang or Thai.Yet they take part in the P4P market as well as the OG market. They shun monogamy.

    Is this the normal male reaction? Is it normal to be polygamous?

    I truly believe that men, even those that have not yet embraced their inner scumbag, are not designed to be monogamous. I believe we are always looking for a pussy to deposit our sperm in. I believe that the whole purpose of having sex is to derive pleasure. Whether it be just the sexual act or the overall excitement of the new relationship, it is the pleasure that we seek. What could be more pleasurable than to have sexual relations with many women?

    But that is the male view. As a male, I don't see the same experience for the female. I have the double standard where it is OK for the male to go out and seek pleasure through sexual relationships, but not the woman he is involved with.I realize that it is not realistic, but that is beside the point.

    Your thoughts?

  3. SwanDan

    SwanDan Administrator Staff Member

    My thought is all women are rented, it's only a matter of time before the payments catch up to you. So fuck them.
  4. andyinthai

    andyinthai New Member

    Monogamy is unnatural for the male,over the years the urge to procreate with as many females as possible has been suppressed,but it is always there maybe stronger in some then others,some follow there urge some dont,but even those that dont cannot deny the thoughts of shagging one or more women goes through there minds.As for me my first marriage had been happy and faithful for 16rs,until i changed jobs,I took a job with a London based firm on the road,my first job was six months in Brighton with a team of five other like minded men.I would leave on the monday morning and get home on a friday evening,company hotel with food and drink.In a short space of time we had found were the singles nights were so we were sorted.Now up until this point i had been completly monogamus, then one night we were in a club that was running a singles night,we were stood talking when this young lady approached me and asked if i would take care of her drink as she danced,ok i said thinking nothing of it,shortly she returned and i gave her her drink but she didnt leave and we spent the rest of the night togther.The evening was coming to an end we were all about to leave when she asks if i would like to go for coffee at her place,now i would love to say i went and we f......d all night,but to my utter embarrasment i remember saying no i had better not i have to get up early for work,i actually thought she meant coffee....DOH
    Anyway from that moment i realised that someone else was interested in ME,unfortunately for me i had a period of time when i went of the of the rails and had multiple affairs,the final one with a twenty two year old from our office,i was 42,i got caught on this one when a friend grassed me up.Did this stop mt wandering ways,did it f...k,i am happily married with my Thai girl but still if the opportunity arises, go a mongering,not sure why,the thrill of the chase,the joy of a different body beneath you different smells tastes or that wonderful feeling of not feeling old.
    Regrets from my actions,only one the pain i caused my children......
    Ps..sorry if this is just ramblings not used to put my thoughts into the written word
  5. coltt69

    coltt69 New Member

    My second wife cheated on me, I found the guy and gave him what he deserved... Aweek in hospital, learnt not to fight because the RED mist made me lose control and nearly killed someone... I tried to rip his balls off, funny now..

    Anyway I never cheated till I was 53... Victorian up-bringing

    My theory now is what the eyes dont see the heart dont grieve over I believe we are always looking for the next pussy, I was able to resist them for most of my life. Regrets maybe, but didn't fuck them so don't know...

    Plus I was lucky I never married any "butt ugly women" One was an Elizabeth Taylor lookalike .. A squirter too...

    The 2 g/f's in Thailand know I'm seeing other ladies, so I expect them to be still looking as well... mai pen rai..

    cheers coltt69
  6. ThisGuy

    ThisGuy New Member

    Nice comments so far from Andy and Colt.

    Andy, it took you 16 years to finally let it go. You are a far better man than I am. I brought a date to my first wedding.

    Colt waited until he was 53.

    So is this nature or nurture? I believe in both Andy and Colt, it was nurture. They were raised believing that fidelity was part and parcel of marriage even though they had biological urges, they repressed them.

    Colt, why did you beat the crap out of the guy your wife cheated with? Why didn't you beat the crap out of her? She was the one who decided to cheat on you. He just did what you would have done had you not been so repressed at the time.

    My parents were married for 62 years before they passed on, just months of each other. I never heard them argue or have a bad word to say about the other. They were, as far as I know, totally faithful to each other. My brother, until his death, was married for 35 years and never strayed. I never could do that and still can't. I just love pussy too much and love many pussies. One is just never enough for me. Does that mean I am what they call a sex addict? Or have I been able to embrace my inner scumbag early on in life and know and understand who I am and accept it totally. I know am a whore monger and a horn dog and wear that badge with honor rather than with shame.

  7. tylor

    tylor New Member

    serial monogamy is the norm for very wealthy people.

    Although, scientists discuss the evolution of monogamy in humans as if it is the prevailing mating strategy among Homo sapiens, only approximately 17.8% (100) of 563 societies sampled in Murdock’s Atlas of World Cultures has any form of monogamy.[42] Therefore, “genetic monogamy appears to be extremely rare in humans,” and “social monogamy is not common, … often reduc[ing] to serial polygyny in a biological sense”.[33] This means that monogamy is not now and probably never was the predominant mating system among the hominid lineage.[33][42][43]
  8. raggamuffin2006

    raggamuffin2006 New Member

    Quick break from work, so will be brief.

    When men is younger there sex drive is higher, but perhaps men try to control there urges due to society frowning on too many partners. Then perhaps when men get older, they may not care so much what other think..? But later on in life, sex drive lowers, but still enjoys sex, but more from the mind/feeling/emotion/need etc. Also perhaps being a sex addict could take years to develop... Kinda' hard to put it into words, no time now. What are your thoughts?

  9. ThisGuy

    ThisGuy New Member

    Some of the new theorists tend to put everything into genetics. Cancer, immune diseases, alzheimers, and even criminal behavior. What they tend to miss is that genetically we are not predetermined. We are predisposed. Big difference as predisposition has much to to with environment and nurture rather than nature. You may carry a cancer gene. But that does not make certain that you will develop cancer. It just means you are predisposed to possibly developing it. Same with criminal behavior. And most definitely monogamy. I would love to see them point out the monogamy gene. BWahahaha.

  10. ThisGuy

    ThisGuy New Member

    When I was a teenager I couldn't stay with just one girl, even though I had a very nice girlfriend. Same with my marriages. Of my four marriages, not one...not one was dissolved because of infidelity. In fact, I am still talking to and good friends with all of them. We even still exchange birthday and holiday gifts and invite each other to special events.

    I am as active sexually today as I ever was in my life and enjoy it just the same.

  11. Britboy

    Britboy New Member

    Interesting subject Guy.

    Everybody's different and I believe a lot has to do with a man's upbringing. While my mum and dad did their best for me, I was never what you would call "loved" or close to either of them. My dad was very Victorian in his attitude, can never remember him hugging me, telling me he loved me, etc. He was there as the figurehead, but rarely spent time with me and was quite fierce. I was actually scared of him. My mum, while often acting as a peacemaker, wasn't what I'd call a natural mum. She worried like hell about anything and everything and thought about things so deeply she normally came up with the wrong solution to most problems.

    The result of this, and I can feel it in myself and have done all my life, is that I've never really loved a woman. I've been married (now separated) for 30 years and while I had affection for my wife, I've never truly loved her. My 2 kids are different, I love them both with all my heart.

    This scenario, I believe, is the reason I simply cannot remain faithful. I've fooled around all my adult life, even within a few weeks of being married.

    I also believe that if I'd been the type of person who really falls head over heels in love, I would have remained faithful. If you're truly, truly happy and in love with someone, then I don't believe either party would even think about straying.

    But in my opinion and experience that's a very rare occurrence.

    The other factor is opportunity. I was lucky in that respect. When I was 24, after completing a very boring 5 year apprenticeship in the rural town I was born in, I got a job with a manufacturer and moved to Surrey (outskirts of London). The job meant I travelled round the world installing software, fixing software problems, etc. The opportunities were there on every trip. I can remember going to Helsinki for 14 nights in the early 80's and pulled a different girl from the fantastic nightclub we frequented on 10 of those nights. The other 4 I was so knackered I had to rest up as I was working hard each day.

    My last thought on this is very chauvenistic but I believe going with other women while you're married or in a long term relationship actually helps the sexual side of the relationship with your long term partner. It did for me, that's for sure. There's nothing like being with a different woman - different feel, different activities, different sex, different sensations, different body, etc. etc. Then having sex with my wife, it was like being with another different woman again. That was my feeling.

    Different men have different reasons for straying, but the primary one is ego. Another notch on the bedpost, bragging rights, the feeling you still have the ability to "pull" another woman, look what I did and can still do . . . .

    On a personal note, I disagree with Rags that sex drive diminishes with age. Mine certainly hasn't. In fact, I'd say it's actually increased in the last 5 years (I'm now 56). That's mainly because I was in a boring marriage so sex with the wife was pretty infrequent. Now I'm shagging myself to death!! And I just love shagging the slim and athletic Thai women. Can't beat it.
  12. coltt69

    coltt69 New Member

    Guy, my father told me there is never a reason to hit a woman... So far I've had 2 fights defending a woman, well only 2 hits so not a real fight... But your right in that there should have been some cost to her, I just didn't have it in me to hurt her...

    It still took 23 years after her for me to cheat, so I've alot to catch up on... I used to think guys that cheated were the lowest of the low, see if I can't beat them I can join them...

    cheers coltt69
  13. ThisGuy

    ThisGuy New Member

    Again, we seem to have nurture above nature. You say you were never in love. How did you feel about your wife when you married her? Didn't you believe you loved her then?

    Personally, I am with Tina Turner when she sings: "What Has Love Got To Do With It"I don't like the word "Straying" as it means that you moved away from what was required of you. Is following your natural instinct of being with more than one woman straying? Or is the inhibiting of your natural instincts the unhealthy action?

    If you provide everything for your wife, give her the love or attention she need or wants, take care of her and provide for her, does having a sexual relationship deprive her of anything? Is it cheating her of anything?

    As for my parents, my brother was an only child.

  14. ThisGuy

    ThisGuy New Member

    What was the cost to her, Colt. I can understand not hitting her or beating the living crap out of her, but what consequences did you bring to bear on her?

    Are you still married? More importantly, have you embraced your inner scumbag yet?

  15. JohnBits

    JohnBits New Member

    Well, if my wife or GF is naughty, I do have to spank her.

    Does that count as hitting?
  16. Britboy

    Britboy New Member

    Love your comment about your brother being an only child. My childhood wasn't that bad, but I do know it affected me.

    I think I understand what real love is, but I don't think I've every experienced it, except for the love I had for my kids when they were young and the love I still have for them now. Relationship love is an unknown quantity for me. I had strong feelings for my wife of course, but I don't think it was real love. I was only 24 when I got married. I was an idiot really. If I could go back, would I change my mind? If it wasn't for the kids, 100% for sure. But I wouldn't want to be without them.

    I was too young and naive. I was shagging other women while my wife was my girlfriend, while we were engaged, within a month of coming back from honeymoon, within a month of our first child being born, etc. etc. That should have told me something I guess.

    I like your point and counter-point about what is the natural instinct. I know what mine is - shag other women when the opportunity arises. Simple as that really. I've even got worse as I've got older. When younger I thought a bit more about avoiding detection, the possible consequences, covering my arse . . . . Now I don't give a fuck.

    I did provide everything for my wife and kids. I was the breadwinner while my wife was a housewife until my 2nd child was about 3, then she got a job as a pre-school teacher and has been doing that, 2 or 3 days a week, for the last 20-odd years. Did I give her the loving attention she so desperately wanted? 95% of the time, I'm afraid I didn't. Not because she didn't deserve it, because she did. She did a fantastic job. She did nothing wrong. I did care for her in my own way but I guess the romantic in me went on hold for some reason. Strange really, I'm a big romantic when I meet a girl for the first time, do all the right things and I enjoy doing all the right things - for a while. I guess then I get bored and looking for the next one.

    Having other sexual relationships does not deprive your partner, in my opinion. As said in my first entry, I actually think it helps. Certainly does for me. It's like making love with a new woman after going with somebody else. It's not cheating her of anything at all, it's an enhancement.

    The biggest issue really is if you get caught out and the various reactions if it becomes public. If your wife/gf is mouthy and it's transmitted to all and sundry - disaster. No matter what the reasons, what the circumstances - you're fucked.
  17. tylor

    tylor New Member

    I remember reading this ridiculous stat on the number of cuckolded men in the UK who were raising a kid they thought was their own. I think it had been determined by DNA testing on a random sample or something. I do recall the one ex I had who cheated the most was the one who went on the most about how wrong it was, laid some big guilt trip on me about how some guy had hurt her by doing this. I'm not sure what this has to do with the poll question other than to suggest that monogamy sometimes appears to me to be this artificial construct that we invented to screw up one another's lives.
  18. andyinthai

    andyinthai New Member

    Same same but slightly different,after my first divorce which cost in the 5os,things were hard and then low and behold i was made redundant,that put me in the position of having to sell up.Now the woman who i had been with for a couple of years decided it would be a good move, to move in with her so i jumped at it.At the same time, with the money from the sell i bought a barge with a view to building this and living on it at a later date,all was going well.She worked as a office manager close to were she lived and walked to and from work this meant walking past our local so a couple of evenings a week she would go in and i would meet her when i finished work.One evening we were sat with her staff,when a guy came in who knew one of the other girls,we were introduced and he came and sat next to my partner,a conversation was struck up and soon became clear that they both came from the same place up north and had some friends in common etc etc,i really took no notice after all we were sat in a group and it was just innocent conversation,or so i thought.At the end of the evening he made the offer to her, that he travelled up quite often to see family and if she ever wanted a lift to see her frinds she good happily tag along still no alarm bells.A few weeks went by and he was now always at the pub,he always joined us, my partner would sit and chat,no problem i thought.Then one evening it was decided that the three of them would travel for the weekend to see friends and family up north,the third being her son,this was ok for me,weekend on my own,the weekend came and went no problem,then the evenings out with friends started only for a few hours so still didnt seem suspicious,we were still making love on a regular basis all was happy then right out of the blue it was over,she didnt want our relationship to continue, that was it no excuses no reasons, that was it.After trying to talk and find out the real reason i left,moved back with mum for a week just to chill out and get my head right.On returning i moved on to the barge,half finished,but the weather was warm so was cosy,my tools and kit had been left at her house so i had a key for the room on the side of the house,so one day when i knew she was out i went around to get various tools for the next job .On entering i noticed the door was open to the house,wont hurt i thought so in i went,had a quick look around then popped upstairs,entering in to what was our bedroom,staring at me from the floor was a large beg full of mens clothing,my stomach churned as i reaalised that in just over a week this guy had moved in,now for the gross bit,i threw back the quilt there were the signs of there love making,cant remember much after that.
    A couple of days later iam sat in my local with some friends,iam angry and drinking i want to kill him,calm down dont do anything stupid everyone kept saying i continue drinking,now i am not a fighter at all but i want revenge,a light bulb goes on i know what iam going to do.I say goodbye to everyone with the promise of being good,i have other plans,i know were his wife lives,i start walking within no time iam stood staring down his garden at his front door,i enter and walk to the door,drink is giving me a false courage i knock, a quite attractive woman answers,can i help you she says,with no pause i here myself saying,Yes your husband is f......g my girlfriend,an endless pause then,you had better come in.We walk through into the kitchen and sit at the table,on it are piles of papers,she starts talking,explaing she was sure he was haveing an affair,she had bills receipts etc but now here i was telling my side of the story,we open a bottle of wine and share it,we continue talking she is being very friendly towards me but is obviously very hurt.What are you doing later i said,nothing,why? fancy going out for a drink i say,she thinks for a while,why not ok,right i will be back in an hour,i stand and leave.
    Showered and smelling good i pick her up and we both decide to drink in our local in front of everyone,we go in, sitting in the window on our own,the conversation flows effortlessly,one of those times when you feel you have known some one for ages.The door opens in walks my x partners staff they stare in disbelief at what they see, the phones are out immediately frantic texting.
    The night goes by quikly i take her home,we kiss but nothing else,but we arrange to meet the following day for dinner,all feels good.The following day we go for dinner sit opposite each other just talking and having a really pleasnt day,several people come and go that know both of us comments are made about the two us togther,even to the point were someone says how good we look together.We finish and go back to her place,coffe to continue the afternoon,her phone goes,she stands and goes to the garden,its him he wants to know what the f....k is going on what did she think she was doing seeing me she must be mad how could she do this etc etc etc.Long story short within a week he left my x and moved back in with his wife,leaving my x on her own,she lost me, she lost him and she lost respect from our friends and i felt so much better,one of the fastest recoveries to date.Yes i did get the phone calls begging forgivness could we try again,oh let me think about this no sorry was the answer every time.I finished the barge then after living on it for a while sold it and started yet another chapter in my life......
  19. JohnBits

    JohnBits New Member

    I think your use of mongomy doesn't fit the discussion about cheating. It means having one mate for life, which is pretty rare, don't know, 5-10%? If you are faithful to your wife when married, but screw around when single, then by defination you are not monogamous.

    If someone has an open marraige, IMO it's not cheating.

    When you brought a date to your wedding, did the bride know about it?

    But IM experience 95% of women will get jealous of other women, which creates problems. It is rare for a women to not care at all if I sleep around, but I have dated this type of women in the USA. She would suggest a shower when I left her to go to the next GF. But I have to say, I didn't like it when she left my bed to go see someone, then come back a few hours later, so I guess I am not that open minded about it. And I didn't really like her, though she was up for anything I could think of sexually.

    But even the married women I was sleeping with got jealous of my 2 other GFs. That is in the USA, not sure how it works in Thailand. The women that followed me from Hong Kong to the USA was jealous of my Thai GF, even though I had the Thai GF first.

    Cheating I don't know what you really mean, I define cheating as hidding sexual relationships. If I have a sexual relationship with a married women, is she cheating on me when she sleeps with her husband? So perhaps if you want to ask about cheating, you should ask is it good to lie about your relationships? What do you think about being honest and how well does it work if you are honest? And I am really curious what your bride thought about your date, and who did you sleep with that night?
  20. ThisGuy

    ThisGuy New Member

    A good spanking is quite often the exact thing the doctor ordered. Naughty girls should get a nice spanking from time to time.

  21. ThisGuy

    ThisGuy New Member

    You say in your last paragraph :
    "The biggest issue really is if you get caught out and the various reactions if it becomes public. If your wife/gf is mouthy and it's transmitted to all and sundry - disaster. No matter what the reasons, what the circumstances - you're fucked."

    Only if you care. If you are prepared to go against the conventional morals of your community, then it is VITAL for you to be prepared to not give a flying fuck what they think, what they say or what they do because it is YOUR LIFE, not theirs and you will live your life the way you want to live it. Whoever cares less, wins. What they say or think is their problem, not yours. That is fully embracing your inner scumbag because you are at ease with who you are and what you do.

    As for being in love, I think I fall in love nearly every day I meet someone new. I seem to always be able to find something in the person to love. I know we use the word "love" so many times it seems to have lost its original significance. I love pizza, love good food and love good wine and single malt scotches. I also love a good cigar. But it isn't the way I love my children.

    But returning to the original thoughts, Cheating to me is taking something away from someone. Cheating them at cards, in business, or of affection. Denying them love an affection if that is what they expected. I never did that.

    I am of the type that if I am in a Go-Go and I have my finger inside of one lovely naked lady and sucking on the tits of another, and a girl comes walking in the front door fully clothed, I notice her and wonder how she would look undressed and in my bed. To me it isn't need, as I have two girls already on me, but greed, because it is never enough.


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